Audrey Tolbert moved to the Netherlands nine years ago to be with a Dutchman. Audrey, who works in game development, says she really started to learn Dutch during the women’s World Cup in 2019, loves herring, would visit a Febo during her last night here, and can’t live without her agenda.
How did you end up in the Netherlands?
I met my now husband, a Dutchie, in February of 2015 while I was living in New York. He was visiting on vacation and we met on a dating app. After our first date, I vividly remember going back to my roommate and saying, “Ughhh, I finally go on a nice date and he has to be from the Netherlands.”
I wasn’t sure how we’d move on from there, but he ended up coming back to New York a few times in the months after and we started dating long distance. In the summer of 2016, I was looking to leave my job and the lease was up on my apartment.
We knew I could move to the Netherlands on a partner visa and, since I worked in tech, I was pretty sure I’d be able to find a good job. So that August, I packed up my East Village studio apartment and moved at first to the bustling metropolis of Hilversum. A few long months later, we found our first spot in Amsterdam where I’ve lived ever since.
How do you describe yourself – an expat, lovepat, immigrant, international?
It feels hard to say there’s one label that describes myself or anyone else in the Netherlands that was not born here. There’s a rich history to expats in the Netherlands, and especially Amsterdam, so at times that seems to fit.
But other times, that diminishes parts of my background. I’m not here for just a few years, I didn’t benefit from a nice 30% tax benefit, and I worked hard to integrate into Dutch society. As for the other labels, immigrant is probably the most accurate, but I also had a lot of privilege in moving here. International implies I’m some sort of world traveller and lovepat just sounds weird to me. Let’s go with American Dutchie for now.
How long do you plan to stay?
The hypotheek on my apartment would like it if I stay for at least 30 more years. But in all seriousness, I’ve put my roots down here and don’t plan to make any changes in the near future. I’ve also worked for the last eight years at Poki, the biggest web gaming platform in the world, and I’m very passionate about our mission to let the world play.
The gaming scene in the Netherlands is incredible for such a small country and in my job I get to work with talented developers from around the globe. So in many ways living in NL, and specifically Amsterdam, feels like living in one of the most international places in the world. I’ll always have one foot, or a few toes, back in the US as long as my family and friends are there, but landing at Schiphol always feels like coming home.
Do you speak Dutch and how did you learn?
Ja, hoor. When I moved to the Netherlands, I was super excited to learn Dutch as I find it really important to genuinely try and speak the language of the place you live. I studied abroad in language immersion programs in France and Italy while in university and those experiences really taught me that learning a language is going to be awkward and embarrassing at times, but you just have to keep at it.
I had the support of my Dutch partner and his family to make sure I was exposed to the language, but I knew I needed to find the right kind of programme that put an emphasis on speaking. I found that at the School for Dutch in Amsterdam. The founder and lead teacher has unfortunately passed away, but he became a sort of bonus opa for me during my first few years here.
He forced me to speak and learn the language, and I helped him with tech support. Then we’d have a few beers and talk about the state of the world.
My Dutch really started to improve in the summer of 2019 when I was obsessed with the Women’s World Cup. The US and the Netherlands went all the way to the final, and I watched as much coverage as I could in Dutch. I’m in a very privileged position where I don’t need to know Dutch for my work, but knowing it really allows you to tap into deeper parts of Dutch culture and society.
What’s your favourite Dutch thing?
I really get a kick out of the deep, genuine appreciation the Dutch have for good weather. A randomly warm and sunny day in February? The terraces are completely full. A stretch of super warm weather in the summer? The beaches are packed and swimming spots are poppin’.
I’ll never forget many years ago on one of my first days at Poki when it was unexpectedly nice out and one of our co-founders asked me why I was still at the office at 4 pm while the sun was shining. Fortunately for us, our office at Poki also sits in the middle of the city and has a nice rooftop. We cherish the season when we can enjoy a borrel in the sun. It touches on something bigger about Dutch culture that I love — not just about work-life balance, but about taking advantage of the random positive moments in life.
How Dutch have you become?
I can sing all of the words to ‘Uit Mijn Bol’ by André Hazes and I love herring. I also can’t live without my agenda. It may be a controversial opinion, but I appreciate that the Dutch live and die by their calendar. I don’t see it as overkill or a lack of spontaneity. It allows me to really plan quality time with a variety of friends who all live fun but busy lives.
I also think I can get anywhere with any amount of stuff on my bike. Does this mean that I’ve tipped over from carrying too many things from time to time? Yes, but did I get there faster than any other option? Also yes.
Which three Dutch people (dead or alive) would you most like to meet?
I wouldn’t really be Dutch if I didn’t say Johan Cruyff, would I? As a lover of women’s sports, I’d go with another legendary Dutch footballer: Vivianne Miedema. She’s the Netherlands’ leading goal scorer for men or women and an all-around beast on the field. I’d love to talk to her about the growth of women’s soccer and women’s sports around the world.
The Dutch have also made incredible contributions to the arts. While any of the painters of the Golden Age would be incredible to meet, I’ve long been struck by the work of Dutch photographer Rineke Dijkstra. Her portraits are so simple but always tell such a story. If the Dutch Golden Age was the first time ‘average people’ and their lives were shown in paintings, Dijkstra has taken that concept and brought it into her portraiture today.
To round out this trio of amazing Dutch women, I’d be very intrigued to meet Mata Hari. An exotic dancer convicted of being a spy? There has to be so much more to this story and I’d love to find out over a few glasses of wine with her.
What’s your top tourist tip?
Please do not go on the long rondvaart canal tours during your first time in Amsterdam. Being on a boat in the canals of Amsterdam is one of my favourite things to do, but the experience is so muted when you’re surrounded by tons of people and only able to look out one low window. Find a smaller, open boat, regardless of the weather. We’re not made of sugar, right? Bring some cheese and you have a perfect afternoon.
Also, Madurodam in Scheveningen, a full miniature recreation of the Netherlands, is highly underrated.
Tell us something surprising you’ve found out about the Netherlands.
Everyone tells you how direct the Dutch are before you move to the Netherlands, but I didn’t find that to be particularly surprising or out of the ordinary. Perhaps because New Yorkers are the same. But what does sometimes still surprise me is the discrepancy there is in society between tolerance and judgement.
On one hand, the Dutch are super tolerant and historically have been incredibly progressive. But the Dutch aren’t afraid to tell you when they think it’s gone too far and you should ‘doe normaal.’ The good news is, they expect you to call them out on this as well. Unless it’s King’s Day, Pride, or they’re on wintersport, at which point, really anything goes.
Also the Dutch, and I can include myself in this as well, are incredibly stubborn. For a country so flat, we’ve sure found a lot of hills to die on.
If you had just 24 hours left in the Netherlands, what would you do?
If I had just one day left in the Netherlands, I would hope that it’d be a sunny, summer day in Amsterdam. I’d try to get all of my friends together and hop on a boat down the Amstel.
We’d stop here and there to go for a swim and end somewhere with a big terrace for some classic Dutch snacks and drinks. Then I’d end the night at a fun kroeg with dancing and classic Dutch meezingers with a required stop at Febo on the way home.
Audrey was talking to Brandon Hartley. To learn more about her ongoing work projects, have a look at the developer’s page on Poki’s website.
